he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
