I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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