Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
