so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
