is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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