It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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