you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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