I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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