I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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