Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
