Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
