I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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