Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
