if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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