In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
