How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
