I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
