Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
