Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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