he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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