Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
