Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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