let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
