please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
