Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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