The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
