i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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