What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
