with your own penis?
look no pants
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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