We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
