She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
