you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
