I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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