Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
