I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
