Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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