Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
