You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
