the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
