sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
