Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
