I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
