dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
