He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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