mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
