I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
