no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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