my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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