we made out on top of his cat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
