my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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