I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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